HoHoHo - Tis' the season to be jolly!

I can't believe how fast this year has passed me by. Here we are in our new home, tree up & just the presents left to wrap. I still have a couple of boxes to unpack but I am almost done. I want this Christmas to be the best ever for my family. 2010 is going to be even busier for us. My darling husband will be off sailing the seven seas & experiencing his new life on the ocean waves in full for the best part of it. The kids are settling into their new schools well & I am especially proud of them. So what will 2010 bring for me i ask!? My New Years resolution is already decided. I wont sit here & stare at these four walls everyday. I have started to work voluntary at the local school if nothing else it is getting me out of the house. I want to do things that i never had time for before. I plan to be more organised with my housework leaving me more ME TIME! I want to get back to having my hobbies to keep me busy too. Although i didn't start this blog as a showcase for what I can do creativly i may start to post some of the projects I complete over the coming months. Who knows, 2010 is a fresh start for me & it can't come quick enough.

So it's been awhile....

So it's been awhile & things have gotten crazier than ever round here.

I'm proud to say that my darling husband just finished phase 2 of his training & is now a fully fledged marine engineer. I am so proud of him & i know his hard work will pay off for our family in the long term. Meanwhile though we have a house move just around the corner, leaving me feeling excited & stressed out at the same time. So much to do & so little time or funds to sort ourselves out. So the battle plan is to tidy, sort & condense our belongings as much as i can, thank god for eBay & car boot sales. I never realised how expensive moving to the other end of the country would & NEED to start saving fast.

Trying to stay positive who needs a spring clean when you can have an autumn clean. I have cleared a lot of stuff out since we moved here but I'm really going to go for it now. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it......

Motherhood

Today has been a long day I found myself in A&E with my 4yr old son without much explanation of why I was there only that my GP thought it was better to get a paediatrician to check him over. I couldn't help feeling an overwhelming sense on deja vu.

When my eldest was around the same age he picked up some bug or other my GP at the time was worried about meningitis and rushed us straight off to the hospital. He was admitted & kept in for 5 days and had numerous tests carried out on him. Because he had a slight temperature he was isolated in his room & was miserable. I too was feeling pretty glum, worrying about what was wrong with him & missing my husband who was serving in Iraq at the time. Stuck for 5 days alone in a foreign hospital where i barely spoke the language. So naturally my first question this afternoon was 'How long is this going to take?'. I had visions of him being admitted & ran every worst case scenario through my mind whilst i waited for someone to see him. Fortunately, the doctor appeared quite quickly & before we knew it we were heading for home again.

Motherhood is hard work at the best of times never mind at the worst of them. I have met a wonderful group of mothers through a forum recently & I read their posts about there families & jobs, of how hard it is to be a mum & I realise I am quite lucky. I think I have the hardest job in the world being mum to my 2 boys. But I take my hat off to these ladies who are working & raising families. All of their stories different but a lot of their experiences the same. Some of these ladies have 4, 5 or more children some of them less. They go out to work everyday & come home & are brilliant mums to their youngsters. I find myself barely able to cope with my 2 boys & my part-time job. I am just not cut out for it. I have become so tired, stressed out depressed even trying to juggle my life that I handed my notice in at work & only have a couple of weeks left to go. I am going to be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mum) again & to be truthful I am looking forward to it.

Childhood

As I left work yesterday I walked along looking at the sea and the air smelt so salty. Memories of gritty sandwich's and jumping waves came rushing to me. I thought about how pretty our coast can be and how I have never really taken my boys to the beach. They have been on school trips and with family but never with me. We have never sat down together and eaten sand filled sandwich's or investigated the rock pools. This led me to memories of jumping waves, being soaked up to my chest, laughing and splashing having so much fun and it occurred to me that I probably wouldn't let my children go rushing off into the sea like i used to. For one they can't swim and secondly my thought was God only knows what filth's floating in the water. This set me to wondering just how over protective am I??? I don't think I am at all yet found myself thinking no way would I let them do that. So my aim for this summer is a proper family day at the beach, gritty sandwiches and all. We will be jumping waves together and I wont be worrying about germs or wet clothes..........

So its been awhile.........

I know, i know i said this was gonna be a daily thing to unload my mind, but it didn't work out that way these last few weeks have been hectic to say the least.

We had a lovely weekend in Plymouth to watch hubby pass out from his first phase of naval training. He looked so smart and we were prouder than ever. It was a long trip with the kids 7.5 hrs on the train to be in fact but it was worth it and yes i maybe crazy in saying this but i would do it again.

The weekend was good overall we had a few hiccups like a shortage of money but we managed with the generosity of family to get through. All in all we had a couple of days quality time together as a family and it was much needed.

To rant or not to rant!?

I'm new to this whole blogging malarkey and not sure yet whether I'm here for a 'rant of the day' or if this is my subconscious looking for a new creative outlet. I spend my days running after children and working. Its hard work don't be fooled. Some days I spend the whole day without a crossed word between myself and another adult. I feel like I'm talking to the wall talking to my kids they are neither old enough or wise enough to realise that mummy needs to talk. I am what most would describe as a chatterbox and i can and will talk for England given the opportunity. I need to pour myself out and as the plain old pen and paper are too much like hard work have decided to delve into the world of blogging. I like to think I'm moving with the times but maybe I'm just jumping on the band wagon a little too late as per usual.

So here i am, not sure why I'm here yet. But hopefully in time i can decide what the purpose of this blog is and hopefully i will not rant too much. Just a little incite into my mind is the aim of this i think. Providing myself with a daily wind down and pouring my thoughts and feelings onto the screen in an attempt to ease my stress.

Depature days

These days are always the hardest i wake & your not there or you hang on until the last possible minute to leave me. I worry that you will not arrive at your destination safely then my day emerges into something different and its like you were never here at all. I'm busy cleaning and sorting and fulfilling that space meant for us, to talk to laugh to hug, but you are gone and I am alone. And so the coming and going begins.

That first day you left you smelt so good and looked so smart i didnt want to let you go. I watched you walk away with the most mixed up feelings of pride and sadness. I wanted to say you make me proud but couldnt i knew you'd brush this praise away, so instead i hugged you tight and told you i love you.