Today has been a long day I found myself in A&E with my 4yr old son without much explanation of why I was there only that my GP thought it was better to get a paediatrician to check him over. I couldn't help feeling an overwhelming sense on deja vu.
When my eldest was around the same age he picked up some bug or other my GP at the time was worried about meningitis and rushed us straight off to the hospital. He was admitted & kept in for 5 days and had numerous tests carried out on him. Because he had a slight temperature he was isolated in his room & was miserable. I too was feeling pretty glum, worrying about what was wrong with him & missing my husband who was serving in Iraq at the time. Stuck for 5 days alone in a foreign hospital where i barely spoke the language. So naturally my first question this afternoon was 'How long is this going to take?'. I had visions of him being admitted & ran every worst case scenario through my mind whilst i waited for someone to see him. Fortunately, the doctor appeared quite quickly & before we knew it we were heading for home again.
Motherhood is hard work at the best of times never mind at the worst of them. I have met a wonderful group of mothers through a forum recently & I read their posts about there families & jobs, of how hard it is to be a mum & I realise I am quite lucky. I think I have the hardest job in the world being mum to my 2 boys. But I take my hat off to these ladies who are working & raising families. All of their stories different but a lot of their experiences the same. Some of these ladies have 4, 5 or more children some of them less. They go out to work everyday & come home & are brilliant mums to their youngsters. I find myself barely able to cope with my 2 boys & my part-time job. I am just not cut out for it. I have become so tired, stressed out depressed even trying to juggle my life that I handed my notice in at work & only have a couple of weeks left to go. I am going to be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mum) again & to be truthful I am looking forward to it.